May 15 2009
Sisters as Friends
Some of my friends who don’t have sisters say they have missed out. I think they have too. However, we sisters are a strange pair. Sometimes we act like we are the best comfort and the best of friends. Yet, we can also barely recognize who that person is. As females we probably pretend and exaggerate more than men. We often expect a sister to always know when they should BE THERE and when they are not you feel sad and disappointed. I know that’s how I have felt and perhaps at times, still do.
What I have learned though is that the bigger picture has to be more important. Not just that life is short and we are all getting older, but that we must believe we all matter. Sisterhood, is a complicated relationship. It has the depth of the ocean and the force of the seas. But it also has the barren plains of the desert too. With your friends, you can choose whom to talk with and usually each of us has friends that fit our needs in many different ways. With family you are here. This is what they know about you, this is what they remember about you and sometimes family does not want you to change. Of course this is not always the case, but I think with women we rally only if we are there too, or going down the same path.
I had a very close friend when I was going through the process of my mother’s cancer and then her death. This friend was there ALL the time for me. She knew what to say and when I needed a phone call, and even when to pop by unexpectedly. That was a time when we were the best of friends. She and I were also sisngle parents and going through similar struggles. I relocated a couple cities away from her and after some time we just sort of drifted apart. We were in the same type of business so there was plenty we had in common, but even with all of that I felt the slowly emerging rift between us. It wasn’t because we didn’t still love or care for our friendship, but looking back it was because I started to slowly change my outlook on my life. We used to have those conversations that fed into our hard times as a single parent and the husbands who left us and our children.It was when we really needed each other and we stayed right there….brooding over our losses.
Then I started to emerge with a happier, more optimistic attitude. I even lost a ton of weight and started walking 4-5 miles every evening after work. I enrolled in my community college at night and started really living my life without complaints.So this is what changed our friendship. She wasn’t happy for me, I feel because she wasn’t growing beyond our past. It was 6 years later when we caught up again. We met at a restaraunt and it was very sad…there was an immediate change in her behavior and was very stand-offish, and yet she is the one who put this meeting together. We chatted about our children, her four, my five. I was always very overweight, and for the first time I wasn’t. I told her about the my weight loss program (salads, yogurt and slim fast) and about meeting some very nice men through an online dating service. I bought myself aused convertible and loved my life. She started making cracks about how I will only find losers for dates and that I shouldn’t go through those online services. I sat and listened as everything she said became negative and stale. About two hours later, I said I had to leave, and it was nice seeing her again. I told her I wish her all the best and she said can we meet like this once a month? I was sad to feel this way but I said “well maybe, we will just have to see how that time will work out”> I knew I would not go out of my way to meet again. i loved her from my past and I valued what we had as friends. But, i need to stay hopeful and happy and believe that we can make this choice every day.
So back to my sisters, some friends fill voids where sisters may fall short, but they will always be there for you. Maybe some envy will come and go, but the bottome line is they wish you happiness and love it when you are. Sisters come full circle, now that we are older. A friend, our family and they know the history of our lives.