Parents Talking

I raised my own children to be understanding and tolerant of all people. I never remember during their childhood, that this concept applied to a select few. I prided myself on giving my kids the benefit of knowing that we are not the only kind in our world. Now, of course, looking back our world, meant this country that we live in. We were not travelers, so I never really thought about making the distinction to all the different nations, worldwide. Yet, I know in my heart, that was exactly what I meant. No matter who it is or where they came from, we are all people. We all share different cultures and different backgrounds, and different family traditions. However, I believe that mothers all around the world love and care for their child with the same heart.

My children in our family have spouses and partners of different ethnic backgrounds. I am proud that as a family we all have embraced our newest members, and try very hard to understand and communicate together. It is not always easy, it is not always the right translation, but we keep trying. I feel that this is how our grandchildren will be raised. Knowing that we are all in one big happy family. There will be no color or facial distinctions made, until someone else will point that out to them. There will be no surprises from their parents when it will be explained to them, why they look different.

When I was a young girl, I remember the stories about our immigrant ancestors, and how they risked their lives, and their safety to come to America, for a better opportunity and future. I also remember hearing about their plight to quickly learn the English language and work hard to become a U.S. citizen. To them, it was an honor and a privaledge. I love that our country has welcomed so many immigrants to this land, but I also see that in order to work, own land, vote and pay taxes…you must become a citizen. I know in my own family, my oldest son’s wife is from Japan. She also speaks English and got her degree at UCLA, shortly after that, they met and fell in love. My son helped her with the paperwork, and the tedious job of doing what was necessary for her to live here. She still keeps her family traditions and has much love and pride for her homeland. She misses her country and loves and respects her roots as well. However, she knows that the paperwork, the fees and the efforts is the right way to be in another country. They are married now and have their first child. Her mother has come over from Japan to help out and is taking English classes two days a week, to understand her new environment better. To me that shows respect and insight.  My other son has a Chinese girlfriend. They also met through school. She has a school visa and will return to China for a visit soon. She will be there for 2 months and told us she will have to wait in a line, like everyone else that could take all day long, just to hear a less than one minute speech about checking the proper paperwork. She knows it is important to do what is right, and to go through the proper channels. She also speaks English very well, as her parents in China told her to learn that in school before she came to the States. She will be doing all the right paperwork so that she can return back to the U.S.

My daughter’s in laws are from Mexico. They have been here for almost thirty years. They are loving, kind and hard working people. The mother does not speak English well at all.  The father speaks the language fairly well. He has worked in construction most of his life. His wife is a lovely person, a wonderful grandmother, but she apparently never thought it necessary enough to learn English. I personally don’t understand that, and sorry to say, I think that is a shame. I could never imagine living in Mexico or for that matter, any other country and not learning their language when I have lived there for thirty years! I want to embrace who we have in our family, and I do. As far as people go, I don’t think I am a better person, but I do feel it says much about that person, not wanting to fit in, or belong. I also feel that it sends the wrong message to your children, since all of their children were  born here in the United States too.

So, I understand  when others have their reservations, or indifferences about immigration.  I also understand that we need to have standards that can keep doors open to our country but only if you are willing to go through the steps in becoming a citizen. It is only fair, and I would expect the same should apply to me, if I choose to work and live in their country too.

The bottom line is this: I want our whole family to continue to live with tolerance and understanding, peace in their hearts and love for others. I wish for all my grandchildren to help continue with this life long mantra. We are just one person, on an Earth that is huge, but in the Universe, we are just a dot. We need to be kind, and be compassionate, but also to live within the laws. I don’t want anarchy, I believe none of us want that either. I want all of us to live with manners, respect, and compassion for all people. But, we also have to live by the rules. This is how we teach our children, and we grown ups should do the same!