Parents Talking

I have been listening to a family member who tells me he and his ex are paying for all the expenses for their son. It’s not that it is my personal business, because it’s not. However, these parents are not wealthy and they live paycheck to paycheck…and their son is in his late twenties. It isn’t about whether this is a great kid or not but rather whose responsibility should this be? Now remember, I was a single mom of five. There is no way I could even entertain that idea for any of my children. I was able to help with a parent plus loan for one of my kids when she left after high school to go away to college. I was able to help contribute towards her education, and the interst rate is very low and we all know you can’t get a better rate for student loans than through the government loan programs.

However, I did not pay for a car, rent, or living expenses. My daughter also worked full time and juggled her schooling around her work hours. Paying $36.00 a month didn’t break my wallet.  I believe as Suze Ormund says that parents should not pay for their kids college education, especially if the parents don’t have that kind of money! If your kids want to go badly enough, they will have to figure it out. Ms. Ormund worked two jobs to get through her education…and she managed to get her degree. My other older children are paying for their school expenses and they are almost finished with their degree.  If you are wealthy and money is no object, then I guess that is your choice. Still I wonder how are we teaching our grown children that these choices must be theirs to own. I feel they will have more pride and respect for all that hard work and efforts that went into attaining their goal. FFT  ( Food for Tought) 

In 2009 we had the thrill of having two new baby girls welcomed into our family! My oldest daughter Katie’s first born Alani, and my oldest son Brian’s first born Azumi (Amy). It is a wonderful time for a mother to catch those glimpses of your son in Fatherhood. Brian was a young boy when his father and I divorced. You never know what scars are left by this, sometimes it seems subtle, other times it can feel like a steam roller. As a single mom, (all the children lived with me and on my income only) you want to instill the values, morals and life lessons that you know are important to help your kids grow into good people. I wrote about how amazing it was to see my daughter as a mother, and it is just as awesome to see your son as a father! The look on his face, the brow that creases with worry if he can provide enough for his new family, the pride in holding his baby girl. It’s a gift to be an observer of this.  My kids all work hard and provide for themselves, but they also don’t make money their highest priority. To me that is refreshing, especailly since nowadays our kdis can make double the salary the parents used to make! Brian talks about how important it is to him to let his wife be home with the baby until she is maybe two years old. He feels bad they have to worry about going back to work too soon. He sees the value and importance of time with the baby and not being able to get that back. He knows the baby won’t remember, but he says he will. Whatever lies ahead for them, their decisions, the search to find the best balance, I am proud to see the role of being a father came so naturally for him. I am most proud to know that his family and their happiness in what is most important. He will be a great role model for his family and his children, something that many parents seem to forget to do in these times….Lead by example