Parents Talking

As a mother and mother in law, I am finding myself treading this path very carefully. Of course I love my own children very much, and I have great faith in their choices and their way of parenting. I also love my daughter and son in law too. Sometimes though, it can be very difficult, to refrain from making a comment. It might be a helpful comment, or a useful comment, or perhaps in their eyes, a judgment or criticism. It’s just something “they” want me to work on. Oh really?
It’s not because I want to interfere, but I am older, and you know what that is like. We have simply, lived longer. I want my one grand daughter to wear socks more often, and I want my other grand daughter to have a safety-gate in their main room. This isn’t asking too much is it? Warmth and safety? How bad are those thoughts? Still, I see those raised eyebrows, and that corner lip curling, and I swear I am hearing sighs, but I am older. I am wiser, at least about raising babies and children. For now anyway. Sometimes I think what did our generation do when our parents commented and our in laws made suggestions? Oh yeah, we listened, and we nodded our heads and said things like, “Oh yes, we were going to do that, or That’s a great idea.” We were more courteous to the elders in our families, agree or disagree, it was all about being polite.

I have very well mannered kids, but even their glances start me chuckling. They used to know how to answer me when they were young…”Oh, Okay mom, I will do that for you.”  It sounded good, and it gave me peace of mind for a short time. Yes, they are all grown up now and having their own families too. They can be super sensitive to any comment I make in a questioning tone, and I think to myself, why? I mean it’s just a mom who has raised five children and scores of other children too, what do I really know? “Plenty,” is what I am mumbling to myself.

My mother died when my oldest son was a sophomore in high school. I miss her advice. I needed her advice for many years after she passed away. History repeats itself, they too, will miss me a great deal, when I go. I really dislike that phrase, “when I go.”

My kids don’t like sending “thank you cards” and I think this is still very important. To me it is the true gesture of acknowledgment and manners. They feel a verbal “thank you,” and a reminder by text and email is sufficient, who raised these guys?

So for now, I try to watch my comments, and I mean, I REALLY try. Then the other side of me says, “too bad, they are young, and it’s their turn to listen to older, wiser more experienced parents now.” The best part of this, is that they are all truly loving parents to their children, and for that, I sleep well every night! The other part is, I am not the one raising these children anymore, I get to watch, listen and kick back. Parenthood, can be overwhelming, a rat race to get everything done before bedtime, and then if your lucky, and you can still keep your eyes open, you might have a coherent conversation together. Ah the years of parenting, look at me, it’s gone by in a flash! It only took 25 years….

I am good for now, I keep smiling, I stay positive and optimistic about my new role in these growing relationships. You see, I know my own children, they are loving, smart, funny, great employees, and they are also sensitive, cranky, and a wee bit lazy…but I love them all. However, I still think one little girl should wear socks more often, (it makes me shudder because she might get frozen toes) and the other little girl needs a safety-gate put up at home, (it makes me worry, that she will fall, and I will have to restrain myself from saying, “I told you so.”)

Other than that, life is really good. It’s their turn now to fret and worry, and be exhausted, and ask each other “who’s doing the dishes tonight? Or who is doing the laundry?”  Now they get to wake up early and diaper and feed their little bundle, and wish a Grandma was there to help out. Just to grab that little nap, (the ones I now get all day long). I probably don’t know what that is like, to be so busy and run down, and pray for one weekend that isn’t filled with “things to do, and places to go.” I remember. I had five children in my household. I just said “No” more often, and people came to our house. We visited more and had coffee with friends and family. The kids played outside and we watched them. We hung out in our neighborhood on our front lawn, people are afraid to do that now. We liked hanging out at our homes more than the younger couples do today. Everybody has to go somewhere, all the time. Their houses close in on them very fast. Maybe it’s society, maybe it’s the rat race, maybe it’s not that good, to be so busy.

Water the lawn the old fashioned way, do some gardening, plant some flowers and pick out a tree. See? Grandma really does know a thing or two.